Atone of forgotten sorrows
ring in my ear.
I can not remember,
the origin of this
poignant sadness,
that overshadows
this hazy world.
The memory has left,
but the spirit resides.
A ghost in the mind,
stalks me from
beyond comprehension.
A time that is long past
lingers by my side.

Birth first, then fear of the ever consuming darkness that follows. Embraced like a long lost friend. Put aside in the thoughts of men. For if it cannot be changed, what use to dwell upon it? A sadness tags along. We think we know what happens after it greets us, but none can be sure. And there is the reason melancholy lies with it. For what is it worth, that we should; struggle, overcome obstacles, triumph, have statues built in our image, or create lasting inspiration in the minds of men? In the end, it all comes to naught. A hollow victory, if ever one existed. To not know and never learn, until it is too late. What a waste of time. What a waste of breath. What a waste of everything til the death.

If I was taken seriously,
I would seriously reconsider
who's taking. What can be
taken from words? What can
be lost but time? What answers
do questions give? The silence that follows
gives the answer to all. So let's put on
some fancy coats, and head to work.
Stay busy til it's time to sleep, then
let's do it again. Serious business,
Serious lives, sour hearts, and
big heads, culminating in an end
not so sweet or profound.

A bubble, within a body of blood and corporal meat,
fills with ego, self doubt, and worries.
Slowly expanding til
Lift off!
Rushing to the surface,
like a drowning man
hoping to suck in
that sweet air.
Clumsily flailing or
Synchronized swimming?
Treading water til the sea collapses muscle, taking it back for it's own.
Another victim throws it's bones to the collection.
Or
Head for horizons,
to a land unseen,
where legends live.

There was a time before, when the world seemed fresh. When new sights were just around the corner. Where blocks were long and the basement made an amazing cavern. The grass was where you sat, and talked, and rolled, and laughed in. A worm was wiggly and worthy of your fascination. A stick was a sign of power. Leaves crunched and made pillows of fun. Darkness held the unknowing. That was where the scary things were. Girls made you mean. Backseats of cars were as big as beds. It was not a time, it was the time, where time never existed.

Me thinks I saw the fulfillment of life.

It sat in my hand like a tiny sun 

that I hid in my heart.
Rays of  light filled me with warmth and joy
that over flowed like fizzy champagne.

My head grew dizzy,
and my thoughts were of sharing the light with the world.

I offered it to whomever I met,
only to find people were wary of gifts from

strangers. 

It all started a few weeks ago, when I was still your run of the mill hard working student. I had been going to a NYU and was starting my junior year. I was always awkward around people and felt nervous at parties.
"Here take this." My roommate handed me a capsule.
"What is it?" I shouted. The music was overbearing. I was sitting alone on a couch.
"Yeah!" My roommate shouted back, and motioned me to put it in my mouth.
I looked at the pill laying gently in the palm of my hand. It held some mysterious white powder. What's the worst that could happen?
If I could go back now, I don't know if I would've taken it. It wasn't like me to just take something without researching. But then again I know better now.
I put it in my mouth and chased it down my throat with a large gulp of the jungle juice in my cup. It was an ok party, I guess. There was music, beer pong, a couple people grinding, some people hooking up, a circle around a pipe, some people kept leaving to smoke and coming back in. I watched. I felt like a mad scientist observing every action, then reaction. I watched the group dynamic shift. I saw the tide of the party grow, then shrink, then grow. Each time people grew drunker, louder more obnoxious. I sat observing all this. There were lots of repeating cycles, people saying the same things, guys flirting with girls that were too drunk to notice or care. I saw the system as it was. I felt the vibrations in the air. I felt the tension of two boys competing over the same girl. Egos bumping, fuel raging. Like lions fighting over the pride.
I sat back and wondered could I pull the strings? Could I cause chaos, boredom, or even lust? I sat up. an idea in my head started worming it's way around. I had to wait, it wasn't the right time. The vibe wasn't quite right. I needed to wait for the next crest. Like a cat ready to spring upon it's prey I sat tense and silent.
People came back from smoking outside. Another keg was tapped. More jungle juice was stocked. Another game of beer pong was started. Then I sprang.
"People!" I stood up and shouted. I knew what I had to say. I had control!
And then the pill kicked in.
"Uuumm..." My mind was blank. The image in front of my eyes, was colorful, and the colors swirled and spiraled. I did not know how long I had been standing there. A couple of seconds? A month? I heard a laugh. I was losing it. I felt it slipping away.
"I'm tripping balls." I finally said lamely and sat back down. There were a few chuckles, but I was then forgotten. Sent back to sit by myself in the corner, ignored.

Queen of roses

I know a girl who holds my desire.

She is the queen of hearts.

The rose of the deck, that life unceremoniously shuffles. 

A rare find with a bite for those who are careless.

Her blossom is the bosom of the world, 

warm and soft it snuggles and comforts.

I have been pricked by this wild flower,

and she keeps me coming back for more.

The delectable texture of her petals warm my lips

and spurs on my craving for more. 

Her smile short-circuits my mind, 

so that all I see is her.

I long to visit her garden,

so that I may lay next to her in the soft grass,

and lazily watch the clear sky as the sun shines down.

I lie my head down. The thoughts drift off into nothingness. The colors leave. At the corner that's where I go. The dark line leads off into the lack of space. it drags on for infinite in a minute. Time doesn't exist here. Nothing does. The dark abyss where only a single speck of consciousness is surrounded by the void. It is as close to death as the boundary can be pushed. I float here, waiting, thinking, meditating. I exist yet, I do not. This is where things go to die. I feel the cool calm of the absence. Nothing physical can exist here. Only a thin line from my thoughts suspends me. Like a man within a diving suit, being lowered deeper and deeper into the unknown ocean. The external black wrapping him in blankets, inviting isolated soul to stay there forever.

Why go up, when you can come down with me?
Are you really in that big of a hurry to die?
Slow it down, kitty cat.
 Life's more fun on this side of the alley.
The lilac lilly opens it's eye when
the sun comes up. Then as night descends
upon the land, it creeps it's tired head back.
And sleeps the night away.
A broken bottle smashed on the side
of a biker's head, who has been to jail on
various counts of injustice, most recently
because he had a misunderstanding with
johnny law, has more life then you.